Recently, I did something which upset another person. It seemed to be an alright thing to do, but obviously it wasn't because she sent me a rather mean text suggesting all sorts of things about me. She was obviously hurt about what I had done, but her response was so vicious that I was taken aback.
This is a true incident which happened to me at the weekend and it is not really important what the incident was other than it involved looking through things that were going to be thrown away to see if a family member might be able to use them. I had not considered that my rather flippant text about what I had done and what had been salvaged might upset her.
How did I respond? It's funny really, not funny haha, but serious; how sick inside it made me feel about her text and about the realisation that I had not behaved properly. I gazed at it for ages and then sent a short reply saying that I was really sorry. Now that obviously wasn't enough but I didn't want to ask my husband, or anyone, to help me because I didn't want him to know. It took me a few hours and then I showed him. He suggested that I ask her if there was anything she would like me to do to make it better and the response was a cold, 'let's just move forward.'
Since then it has gone round and round in my head, sometimes I feel frustrated because nothing can be changed and sometimes I want to retaliate about suggestions that I am not to be trusted amongst other things. Really though it means that a friendship has been ruined.
What do you think? Has anything like this ever happened to you?
My Dad used to say to me as a teenager when I went out with friends, 'Now you know how we expect you to behave.' This time I know I hadn't considered how my silly behaviour and text might have upset my friend. That was mistake number 1. I had been arrogant and inconsiderate.
Mistake number 2 was for my friend to send an angry reply without considering the impact it would have on me and our relationship, especially as it had suggestions about me that went far deeper than the incident deserved. She was very hurt and felt threatened, and acted with anger.
Mistake number 3 was neither of us being able to sort it out.
I hate being in the wrong, sometimes that makes me shout back, especially when driving!!!!! I am a passionate person.
The thing is that I know that my faith will eventually show me how to speak to my friend once I have got rid of all my normal human anger/frustration/hurt/shame etc... That is how a spiritual relationship with, in my case, a loving God begins a healing process for both of us. It takes time and the willingness to trust that the right words and actions will be given to me.